Floozy Speak!

I've always been bound by the soul binding powers of the list. A to do list, a list of names, a list parts, list of words, a list of ideas, a list of numbers a list of phrases, a list of doors, a list of colors, a list of ip's, a list of urls, a list contacts. I am of list, let me speak my presence.

There's always an on going list, needs for the client, needs for me, needs for everyone else, needs of where needs could be, needs of how we should, needs of needs! Everyone has got needs? What's on yer list today? What's on my list...

Lists are good for me, the little reminders of what needs to go down. Theres always at least one item that goes from list to list, the pain in the ass thing i dont do that moves onward never in completion. Why? Mainly cause its a big deal item or something i need someone else to help me on... those items always suck. They feel great when they are over though. Like passing them is like a big hurdle you actually managed to jump over finally.

My hurdles come in three flavors, what i wanna do, what work wants me to do, and what everyone else expects me to do. Usually what work wants comes first, cause well I'm a workaholic. Then its what others typically expect, then I get my own needs down into play. Though lately I have say i've been reversing the mix and doing what I want first, then work, then others. So far I like that mix, least it helps on stressful days.

But where does the stress come from? Clients are not always stressful but they can be at times. Then theres the unknown expectation at the workplace that gets me. And then theres my own internal worrying that gets me down. I think of every ICBM that is about to hit and come up with ways to deal with the impact or stop them in mid air. I'll plan and plan and then plan again. I wish i could stop caring about that. Every frickin problem. I see them hidden in the lines of communication between people, i see them in clients before they arrive, i see them in research proposals when they get signed. Maybe Mike was right about fear in some respects. Fear gets me thinking I need to answer everything. But its not something I can just turn off. I have a responsibility to what I'm doing here.

Now me personally, well those goals and needs are changing as well. I've been taking some of the bigger issues head on lately. Makes me more snappy in some cases and completely distant in others cause im dealing with stuff thats important and needs to be addressed. One issue is health. I need to diet, work out, you name it, insert word here need to get. I go to the gym and see 70 yr old folks fighting for every aspect of their youth possible and im 33 and throwing it away. Well not away but im sure as hell not really concerned. So its time to get serious about that, or at least for me just get active would be nice.

So i think lists are ok. I like them. I make them all the time and thats not gonna stop anytime soon. Lately I've been busy with my share of list making and its a road to relaxation and worry. Gotta take the good with the bad these days.

So far i havent done much on my list today. The usual work grind, a few biggies remain and will be accomplish on what I hope will be a glourious weekend.